Growing up, my friends had happy and safe households, a lot different than what I had. My
home was filled with abuse both physical and verbal. The pain I endured broke me inside
and distorted the way I saw God. I struggled to reconcile the idea of a loving and rescuing
God with my reality. The same God who delivered the Israelites from suffering seemed
absent in my life. While people in church preached about Jesus as the Prince of Peace, my
own home was filled with chaos, arguments, and fights far from any kind of peace. During
those painful years, I questioned God’s existence and His love for me. If He truly loved me,
why didn’t He rescue me? I longed for a saviour, just like in the movies, where the hero
always saved the helpless. Night after night, I looked up at the sky, crying out for God to
deliver me. I believed in His power as a healer because I had seen Him heal physical
illnesses. I trusted Him as a provider because He sustained my family’s needs. But when it
came to my own scars, my pain, and my brokenness, I couldn’t trust Him.
Over time, I learned to bury my pain deep inside. I wore a mask to hide my brokenness,
convincing myself and others that I was fine. But the pain didn’t disappear instead it
manifested in anger, frustration, and self-isolation. I felt ashamed of my wounds, believing I
was beyond repair. I pushed people away before they had the chance to leave me, fearing
abandonment. This fear ruined my relationships, trapping me in a cycle of hurt and self-
protection. Even when I shared bits of my past with those closest to me, I would eventually
shut them out because vulnerability made me feel like a burden—too broken, too much to
handle. For years, I carried this pain, masking it with the phrase, “God has healed me,”
hoping that if I ignored it long enough, it would disappear. I thought moving to Australia
would be a fresh start, but no matter where I went, the pain followed. It wasn’t about my
surroundings, but it was about the wounds I refused to face. Healing didn’t come from
running away. It came when I finally allowed Jesus into the broken places. Imagine a child
who falls while playing, they instinctively run to their parents, showing their wounds and
expressing their pain. That’s what I needed to do. The pain I kept hidden was darkness, but
Jesus is the light. When we expose our wounds to Him, healing begins. When we refuse to
acknowledge our pain, we rob ourselves of the chance to grow and be restored. And when
we choose to cling to brokenness instead of allowing God to heal us, we remain bound by
that pain.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my journey with Christ is that healing requires
honesty. It’s uncomfortable and painful, but it’s necessary. To heal, we must first
acknowledge our hurt. Vulnerability, though terrifying is an act of courage. Shame and guilt
should never hold us back from freedom. Healing is possible, and it starts with a single step.
I spent years believing that if I didn’t think about my past, it would eventually fade away.
But pain ignored is not pain erased. It lingers, growing in the shadows, shaping our fears,
our reactions, and our relationships. I thought my scars would disappear if I pretended, they
weren’t there, but they only deepened. It wasn’t until I finally allowed myself to sit with the
pain, to bring it before God, that I understood what true healing required.
For a long time, I felt like God had abandoned me in my suffering. But looking back now, I
see that He was always there. He never left me, even in my darkest moments. He wept
when I wept. He saw every tear, every cry for help. And even when I felt unheard,
He was listening. I may not have been rescued in the way I wanted, but He sustained me through it all.
He carried me when I thought I couldn’t go on.
I realise now that God does not force His healing upon us. He waits for us to invite Him into
our pain. He doesn’t rush the process; He is patient, waiting for us to trust Him enough to
say, “Here, God, this is where it hurts.” And when we do, He is faithful to bring healing.
Healing does not mean that the past disappears. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it
does change how we carry it. I once carried my pain like a heavy burden, something that
defined me. Now, I carry it as a testimony of God’s faithfulness. My past no longer controls
me because I have surrendered it to the One who heals. You don’t have to carry your pain
forever, and you don’t have to pass it on to the next generation. If you have been through
trauma, let it end with you. You don’t have to face it alone; God is with you. Instead of
dwelling on the question, “Why did this happen to me?” recognise that we live in an
imperfect world where people hurt each other. But even during suffering, God was there.
He saw you. He never abandoned you.
I also encourage you to forgive not just those who hurt you, but yourself as well. You may
struggle with thoughts like, “Why did I tolerate that?” or “How could I let this happen?” But
forgiveness brings freedom, growth, and peace. I know how hard it is to forgive. It feels
unfair, almost impossible. But forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook;
it’s about setting yourself free. When we hold onto resentment, we remain chained to the
very thing that hurt us. But when we choose to forgive, we break those chains. We release
ourselves from the burden of anger and pain.
Your past does not define you, and your pain does not have to be your future. Healing is
available you just have to allow God to step into your brokenness and bring light where
there was once darkness. If you are struggling today, I want you to know that healing is
possible. It may take time, and it may be painful, but you are not alone. God sees you. He
loves you. And He is waiting to bring healing if you will let Him. You are not beyond repair.
You are not too broken. There is hope, and there is healing in Jesus. Take that first step
today. Let Him in. He will meet you where you are and lead you into freedom.
The journey to healing is not easy, but it is worth it. And you don’t have to walk it alone.
God is with you, and He will never leave you. Trust Him with your wounds, and He will turn
them into testimonies of His grace and love.